My sayings

Have you seen people performing gymnastics routine and stunts in Olympics, SEA Games, Palarong Pambansa or people doing their break dancing stunts and stuffs? They look pretty cool aren’t they?

For me, a sports-minded person, I think they are and that’s one of the reason why I’ve decided to go to Rizal Stadium and learn the gymnastics and Coach Beren is my coach.

Oh man! Just as I thought, gymnastics is very difficult to learn and a little bit dangerous. Perhaps you might just end up with broken bones, dislocated joints, paralysis or DEAD? No biggie at all.

Am I lucky or what? Or rather, should I consider myself lucky having Coach Beren, a weird old man as my coach? Sheesh! He is weird all right and he talks weird to! Everytime I train and perform stunts like back hand-spring, series, salto, front sommersault, and etc, he would often say: “Tira lang nang tira para sikat!”, “Tanggalin mo yang daga sa dibdib!”, “Ayan! May buhay na pagkamatay mo!”. Pretty weird huh?

Maybe what’s he’s saying are weird, but I believe they make a lot of sense. Don’t you think? I don’t know about what you think but I believe they do. It’s all about making tough decisions and having guts to accept consequences.

Pretty weird huh? Well I guess I have to explain it a little bit so that you can understand my point? Ok, sure! Why not?

My explanation is simple. Whenever I am to perform a stunt in gymnastics, I always have two choices: It’s either I do it or not. If I decide to do it, there’s no more turning back. It maybe risky but I’ve got a chance that I’ll land safely and perectly; as soon as I throw myself into the air, hesitating will not be a very bad thing to do because I might end up falling really hard and you know what might come next after that. On the other hand, if I decided not to, there maybe no risk but no progress for me.

Ok. Let me simplify it for you a little bit.

Your chance for success will depend on how much guts you have and how certain are you that you are READY!

Whew! It’s been almost 5 months since I left the Philippines and christmas is approaching fast. Huhuhu… Makes me feel wanting to go back there but I can’t and I won’t. This is the time for me to become a real and face the fear of being far away from home, my friends, and my usual lifestyle  for the sake of moving forward and doing something I can be proud of.

Honestly, it was someone stupid who knocked me into my senses and made me realized that the time is now for me to show myself some love by making myself worth it which I should have done a long time ago.

Right now, I’m feeling a bit sad for I won’t be able to do what I usually do this time of the year: Completing the “Simbang Gabi” (I already have been completing this for 5 years straigt), Children’s Carol bugging me, Christmas lights and Lanterns everywhere, And of course, last but not the least, “Putukan sa bagong taon”. Huhuhu… Now I’m really sad and I want to go home more than ever.

NOT!

I don’t want to go back! Not now!  There’s something that I really want to have; I’ll get it no matter what for there’s nothing that I want that I don’t get.

And I got the GUTS to make it happen!

It’s been 4 years since I left the United States right after living there for a year for I can’t stand loneliness and for a belief that I would enjoy my life more in the Philippines because of having lots of friends.

No matter how much I lie, the fact would still be a fact that I decided to stay and study in the Philippines because I had no face to show to my dad, coming back empty handed after doing the most idiotic thing that a person would do into his/her entire life: giving up everything for the love for that person who just might not love you back. It’s like I fell into a huge trap, believing everything she said to me.

After being out of the US for such a long period of time, I began to realize that it’s time for me to go back knowing that my girlfriend would very sad of my decision. And yes, she became sad and beg me not to go but I closed my ears and restrained my heart as I see tears fell into her eyes, thinking of a good future that lies ahead that could also benefit her.

I looked around me and I see most people are struggling to just to be able to live and felt how lucky I was to be given a gift of opportunity to to live a life more than just be able to eat 3 times a day. So I grabbed it paying no attention to what my gf would feel but what’s going to benefit me and her as well, believing that nothings going to happen if I’m only to hold hands with her or kiss with her all day long. None of those going to feed a hungry stomach, shelter a person from heat and cold, and send a sick to the hospital.

I’m not being selfish, just being practical.

Life is good! Life is cruel! Life is just! Life is unfair! Life is honest! Life is traitor!

These are the words people say depending on what situations they are in.

I say: Life is cruel because I often get in to horrible situations. Life is unfair because other people get to have what they want in a flick of their finger. Life is traitor because no matter how much kindness and sacrifices I give to people, I don’t get anything from them at all but puncture scars at my back.

I keep on saying those words over and over again until I came to realize something:

Life has no obligation to save my neck from unwanted situations. Life has no obligation to give me everything I want. Life has no obligation to protect me from those people from hurting me.

It’s I who should be getting myself out of a situation. It’s I who should be going to get things I want myself. It’s I who should be defending myself from those who want to hurt me.

Dear Mommy Linda and Daddy Sonny,

Greetings!

I know for these past few years, I’ve been mean to you and kept on bringing shame to this family. I’ve been cocky and always thought what you’re doing for us is not good. How foolish I was not to see your good intention for me which I will thank you for someday just like what I’m about to do now.

I always thought that you’re just narrow headed people who are too exaggerated about everything. How I wish that I should have realized earlier that my perception is all wrong and I was just being selfish; and I’m so sorry about that.

I know for many years, you always come to school, to the guidance councilor with heads down; for many years, I’ve been a pain in your necks.

Despite all these, you never gave up hope on me and still pursued your goal for me; to graduate from college.

Mommy, Daddy, I want to grab this opportunity to tell you that I really do appreciate everything you did to me. You may not like the way I act most of the time but I want you to know that I always keep in my mind of how I can make you this time walk with me with your heads up with pride for a change. That’s why I aimed to become one of the best.

Mommy, Daddy, Thank you for all the support you have given me!

I LOVE YOU BOTH!

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING!

Dear Mama,

How are you doing? I bet you’re doing fine wherever you are.

I know I’ve been an embarrassment to you the last time we saw each other and it’s really my fault. I didn’t give out my best and you were very disappointed about that. You were forcing your butt outside the country and all I did was misbehave myself ignore the value of education itself and I deeply regret it.

Since then, I continued on and did my best to improve and become what I am right now. How I wish I did that when you were still around and see for your own eyes what I’m really capable of and that I’m not as bad as what my teacher told you before; and I can do better just like my sister showed you.

It is just sad that you’re not around anymore when I came to realize that I have to be determined and aim for to become one of the best of the best; and that nothing can stand in my way when I want to achieve something.

Ma, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to show you how good I can be when I had a chance.

Thank you for entrusting me and my sister to our grand parents, Daddy Sonny and Mommy Linda which ensured a promising future for us.

Ma, wherever you are, I want you to know that I love you and miss you so much!

Ma, look, I did it! Hurray for me! I’m finally marching up the stage to be welcomed to the professional world!

Ma, wherever you are, you can relax now and worry about me no more because I’m ok now.

I love you Mama!

Today is October 14 2006 and it was 11:00 am when I arrived in school to fetch my final grade report… Well… unlike the last semester, I’m not expecting a very good result… I already accepted that fact as soon as the final examination week ended…

Darn! I didn’t do really well this semester… It looked like I just screwed up this 2nd semester… I do admit that I’ve been neglectful these days… Knowing that I’m in a full 27 unit load, I still didn’t put enough concentration on my major subjects and paid more attention on external problems…

Yes… I screwed up and I am expecting a not good result… Despite of that… I still didn’t give up and did everything I can to fulfill all my requirements and in the end… I did it!

I arrived at Dean Sus’s office and was told to wait along with my fellow Education Student… As soon as Dean Sus called us to her desk… I began to feel some excitements and I don’t know why…

As soon as she handed my my final grade report and finally get a glimpse of my grades… I began to feel this sensation to shout…

Man! I feel so good! I didn’t expect this at all! None of my grades didn’t even go lower than 1.75! I didn’t know what happened and how did it happen… But there’s one thing I know… I feel so good!

Now… this is it! My last semester in EAC!

What will happen next?

Will I still manage to survive?

Let’s find out shall we?

What do most of you fear when you we’re just kids?

Boogie man, Aswang, Ghost or mumu, Maligno, Dentists, Mean old teachers, Getting scold, Prefect, Principals and many more!

Am I right?

But me, not!

I don’t fear those things at all.

What I really feared when I was a child is growing up. First, I thought the reason was I won’t be able to play again since grown ups don’t play anymore. I won’t be able to watch cartoons, play with robots and with my play mates. But I was wrong!

That’s not the reasons at all!

What I’m really afraid of is to enter the real world! Darn! It’s really scary to become a grown up. Freedoms you have, consequences you get. Until now, I’m still afraid… Afraid to face the truth and reality in this world of cruelty.

How I wish I could wake up in the morning, turn on the T.V., Watch Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood, Batibot or something, take a shower, eat breakfast, play with playmates, bike around, go shopping with grandma, begging her to buy the toy I want, go to Jollibee or McDonalds, travel to Caliraya with family, and many more… Just for the old time sake!

But I won’t be the same again. My nightmare has just began right here, right now!

Is it really nightmare?

Naaaah!

I can’t be too biased can’t I?

It will be nightmare if I think of it as nightmare, but it’s paradise for me if I’ll look at the bright side and be the best of it.

I haven’t given up hope that someday the peaceful life I’ve been dreaming of will come to reality.

That someday will be here soon!

As residents and citizens of this country, it’s our duties to pay taxes to the government.

Why pay taxes? So that the government could provide us our needs such as health service, education, convenient roads, and SECURITY. Or is it?

Last week my aunt’s cousin, Cristy was unlawfully arrested, and detained by a police officer because someone just pointed at her as one of them, the robbers. It happened while she wast sitting on one of the benches in Rizal Park. She was brought to Camp Bagong diwa, Taguig and were questioned. Nobody filed a complaint against her but they still refused to release her until she’s able to give 2,500 pesos to them. Fortunately, my aunt was able to raise such money and had her cousin released from detention.

Now, are we paying taxes for this?

Man! This really sucks!

Probably… I’m typing this blog 6:10 in the morning and right now is the dawn of the first day and my senior year in school. In other words… this will probably be my last year living as a student and after this… who knows what will happen next after this… neither you nor I don’t have any idea what will happen next in my next chapter in life… living as a professional…

No… wait… what I want to know is what’s gonna happen later today in school and beyond? Who and what am I going to encounter? Will it be a new friend? Or will it be a new foe? Will everything go smoothly or am I going to have to run into some trouble?

Man! I can’t wait to find the answers myself… Nah… I don’t feel nervous at all and not even close to it! All those experience I went through when I was in my younger age… for me… PIECE OF CAKE!

I’ve been anxiously waiting for this… and waiting time is over… it’s alread dawn! And it’s SHOW TIME!